An Absurd Conception of Monotony
by nottonyharrison
Summary: Draco and Hermione have never been normal. For them, normal is baseless insults, ridiculous arguments, and dealing with increasingly absurd work problems. Mundane for them, is the complete opposite. Part of the 'Modal Realism in Practise' alternate universe.


Written for week one of the GE Malfoy Manor fic war. All my stories for this fic war tie together into one series, but will be posted out of sequence, as the prompts are weekly and I'm unable to post elsewhere until the conclusion of each week's voting.

Prompt: Mundane.

Many thanks to TinkeWolfe and lwalters5 for their beta work!

**Disclaimer:** All Publicly recognizable characters, setting, etc are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in now way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**An Absurd Conception of Monotony**

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"Please tell me that's not a Dragon egg."

Hermione glanced up from the parchment she held in her left hand and glared at the man who had interrupted her reading. He raised an eyebrow and tilted his head towards her right side, where a golden orb peeked over the top of her purse.

"Just another day at the office, Malfoy."

He stepped into the lift and pressed the close door button before moving to stand next to her. He peered none too subtly into her bag, and she kicked his shin with the heel of her shoe, just as the lift finally shuddered into life. He winced.

"Ow."

"Serves you right for trying to get a look at my eggs."

He leaned over and rubbed his leg, hissing in pain and grumbling as he cast a mild pain relief spell. She rolled her eyes and adjusted the strap on her shoulder, leaning over a little as the weight of the contents shifted.

"Did you say _eggs? _As in plural?"

"A couple of Charlie's dragons got a bit out of control, and the sanctuary ended up with two eggs that they aren't too keen to keep a hold of themselves."

"Let me guess, Horntail and Ridgeback?"

"Worse. Horntail and Ironbelly."

"Fuck."

"Yeah."

They stood in silence. He watched the light on the lift buttons light up as they slowly moved downwards; sighing loudly as the direction of the sequence changed and they were jerked harshly to the side. Hermione had gone back to her reading and ignored the movement completely, and he couldn't help but feel a little insulted by her aloofness. It wasn't anything new, but it was beginning to grate on his nerves.

"When are they going to change the damn settings on these lifts so they don't stop on the way to sub five?" He raised a hand to his face and ran it over his nose and forehead, eventually tangling it in his short hair, frustration causing him to tug harshly. He was none too keen on potentially being trapped in a lift with two rather large and dangerous baby dragons.

"Calm down, Malfoy. They're still incubating."

"Yeah, well I was still fucking incubating when father made me a Death Eater. Shit happens, and I don't want to be stuck in here with those any longer than I need be." He frowned as the car stopped on sub level two and the doors opened. He leaned forward and pressed the close door button repeatedly, not bothering to acknowledge the two wizards that stood patiently in front of the now open lift.

Hermione looked up from her parchment and gave them an apologetic smile, eyes catching those of the wizard on the right. He was tall and broad shouldered, with dark closely cropped hair and warm hazel eyes.

"Alright, Marcus?" Her smile turned to a grin and Draco stabbed at the button harder, scowling at his former teammate.

"Every time we meet like this Granger, I find myself strangely unable to get any closer."

"You'll just have to work harder for that promotion then, won't you?"

Marcus grinned lopsidedly and chuckled. "Somehow I don't think a lowly Coordinator of Sport and Games is going to make it into the ranks of the Unspeakables."

"Yes, I can see that being rather a large jump." The doors were sliding closed and she leaned slightly to the side to send him one last smile and passing remark. "You can always meet me after work, you know."

The door slid shut before Marcus could respond and Draco turned to glare at her. "Is it just me, or are you getting super slutty?"

Her jaw dropped open and she gaped at him for a few moments, her shock finally wearing off as the lift jerked again, this time dropping down suddenly. "_I'm_ the slut? Weren't you the one who was mooning all over Philemina Jones the other day?"

"I was only trying to make you jealous."

"Why on _earth_ would you do that?"

"Because you keep flirting with _Flint_, for crying out loud."

"Flirting isn't exclusively sexual, you idiot. I'm trying to convince him he would be an asset to the department."

"What? By saying that he is way too low down the food chain, and that he's never going to have the chance to get close to you unless he takes you out for_dinner?_"

"You have the _worst_ interpersonal skills of anyone I have ever met. Muggle or wizard." He opened his mouth to protest but she was too fast, pressing her finger to his lip, the document that was still clasped in her fingers brushing against his chin. "I'm serious. Worst. Ever. This coming from a woman who dated Ron Weasley for eight years."

"_Dated_ being the optimum word there, Granger."

She poked her tongue out and snatched her hand away from his mouth, and glanced down to check on the eggs.

"I seriously cannot believe Charlie expects us to look after those."

"What do you mean, _we?_ This is _your _area Malfoy, I'm just delivering them."

"What about that stasis spell you've been working on?"

"It's not ready yet."

"You've been moaning and groaning about that spell for months, I figured your sudden silence on the matter was a good sign. I don't want to be stuck with those things any longer than we're in this stupid excuse for a lift!"

"Well it's not, and you're gonna be, so get over it."

"This is both wonderful and awful all at the same time." Hermione scrunched her eyebrows and looked at him like he had grown a second head. He laughed. "It's awful, because I'm going have two enormous and dangerous dragons in the same room as me for Merlin knows how long; and it's wonderful because you just basically told me that to get you to shut up, all I have to do is threaten forced abstinence!"

"Oh come _on_. You know there is no way you were going to go through with that."

"Had you worried, though."

"Yeah, right. More like I was sick of the way you were looking at Philemina fucking _Jones._"

He glared at her and stabbed at the emergency stop button. The car shuddered to a halt, screeching enough to cause them both to wince. "I was _not_ flirting with Philemina Jones." He made a face. "First off, yuck. Secondly, are you bloody retarded?"

"You gave her your _stupid _smile. You know, the one where one side of your mouth lifts up and you bite your bottom lip and..." She trailed off and huffed, crossing her arms over her chest and taking a step towards the control panel. He stepped to the side, blocking her way with his larger body, and her chest hit his rather forcefully. She tried to dodge around him, but his reflexes were just as quick as she was and they knocked together again. Scowling, she went to kick him for a second time since they had entered the enclosed space, and he blocked her with his foot. She glared at him. "Stop being such a bully."

"_I'm_ the bully? You're the one who wouldn't share the last of the milk with me this morning because, and I quote, _I sat on the wrong side of the couch last night._" He placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed her backwards into the mirrored wall of the lift car. Sliding the strap of the heavy bag down her shoulder he continued his tirade; "Also, you're the one who keeps _kicking me_. That's spousal abuse!"

He placed the bag gently on the plush carpet and let go, sliding the now free hand up her body and into her barely controlled hair. The other had let go of her shoulder and instead rested on the cool glass by her head, a small halo of condensation forming around his heated palm. She looked up at him, the corners of her eyes crinkling in silent laughter.

"We really do have the most ridiculous arguments."

He lowered his head and caught her slightly parted lips in hers, their mouths dancing in a well-practiced performance, teeth tugging and tongues lingering. Eventually Draco dropped his hands to her waist, lifting her up and pulling a leg around his hips. She broke the kiss and completed the movement with the other thigh, crossing her calves behind his back.

"We really need to stop having sex in the lift, don't we?" She was a little breathless and her chest was flushed, breasts rising and falling a little more rapidly than usual. He grinned and snaked his hands between their bodies, tugging at her blouse until the buttons scattered in every direction.

"Sweetheart, if you can think of somewhere else that is just as exciting, then I'm all ears."

_End._


End file.
